Ooof! These kids! They never listen! When we were your age we never talked back to our parents! – blah, blah, blah –
September 20, 2007
Parents of India
Cities of My Country,
Attention: This is very, no, VERY IMPORTANT
Dear Parents of India,
Subject: CUT THE CRAP
We have decided to address your concerns about the defects in us, your teenagers, which you have been kind enough to bring to our notice every hour of every day.
As we understand it, your major concerns are the following:
1. We don’t listen to you.
2. We talk back to you.
3. We don’t stand at attention every time you come into a room.
4. We spend long hours on our cell phones.
5. We spend even longer hours on the Internet.
6. We listen to loud music.
7. We don’t dress ‘appropriately’
8. We don’t have much time to spare for you.
Well, we would first of all like to apologize for the inconvenience caused (we really, really do regret it).
Secondly, we would like to offer you the reasons for the defect in your (pun intended) product. They are the following:
We would like to point out, that when you were our age, you didn’t know about or see half the things we do right now. A few examples will make this amply clear:
a) How many people did you know when you were ‘our age’ who regularly did(drug) joints?
b) Or were abused in any form (physically, mentally, and Oh my God! Sexually),
c) Or even someone who has grown up in a broken home?
Our recently concluded survey tells us that every urban teenager at least knows 1 drug abuser, and has been abused in some form or the other, or watched it happen to some one else, and has either grown up in a broken home, or has seen close friends or relatives struggle with such a lifestyle.
To your complaint that we talk back to you, we would respectfully like to point out that if you’re not making sense, well, you’re not making sense. We do not discriminate between our friends and our parents, and consider it our duty to tell you where you went wrong and guide you towards enlightenment.
You also expressed concern over the excessive (or so you say) time we spend on the cell phone or the internet, and the minimal (or so you say) time we spend with you.
Here, we would like to bring to your attention the fact that we prefer the company of defected pieces like ourselves, rather than be continually reminded of our inadequacy in the exalted company of perfection- honed- to- the- T that you are.
You have also expressed anger at the fact that you spend fretful nights worrying about our dressing sense, and our habit of loud music.
We would like to address this problem by informing you that we cannot always dress in saries and shervanies, as India is a country which lies in the semi- temperate climate zone, and due to this it’s generally very hot along with either sultry or dry, depending on whether we live close to the sea or not, and also that we don’t want to look like we belong to some random Ram- leela group.
Lastly, we would like to express our regrets at the fact that you don’t enjoy our music, but would also like to inform you that we have to maintain our dignity within our social circle of defects, and that is indelibly connected with our musical tastes. We therefore have to hone these skills everyday by listening to our music at a deafening volume. So just stuff it.
With this, we hope we have addressed all you concerns, and we are looking forward to a long and fruitful relationship with you.
Teenagers of India Inc.