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Sunday, 28 October 2007

Why I feel like dropkicking strangers sometimes:

1)Disrespecting National Symbols:

These symbols define our national consciousness to a very great extent- our flag the Tricolour, our emblem the Lion Capital, the National Anthem, respecting them amounts to respecting the many thousands of freedom fighters who sacrificed their lives so we could live in an independent country. It also equals respecting yourself, as a first- class citizen of a first- class country.

2)Painting the Town Red:

Scratching out hearts on our monuments, and writing ‘x loves y’ inside those hearts is very, very tacky, and it will not immortalize your love for the coming generations to see, it will however immortalize your stupidity and lack of respect for our history and our heritage for many, many people to lament and curse you over, for many years to come. Besides, it won’t even be visible for too long since ofcourse their will be other so- called ‘lovers’ to write over your graffiti. I think you people are disgusting.

3)Scaredy- Cats:

What is it with people? By not bringing incidents to light, you are not only making your aggressor more powerful over yourself, but are also almost ensuring that another person is forced to go through the same trauma.

4)Inactive MORONS:

Instead of calling an ambulance, surrounding a victim and standing around, watching bollywood- style like some huge tamasha (show) is going on, while the poor dude or dudette at the center of the circle is minutes away from conking it. I can just say, that if you’re that stupid, it’ll be your family at that center of the circle tomorrow.

5)Whistle blowers:

Every street corner will have a gang of these: eve- teasers who cannot resist whistling every (any) time they see a girl/ woman/ female homo sapien pass by. These jerks probably don’t have a family, because otherwise I can see no reason for such behaviour. They don’t go back home to their mothers serving them hot food, or their sisters who faithfully tie rakhies to them, or their sisters’ in law who’ve left their families to join their ‘homes’. The insensitive bastards deserve the most horrifying kind of prolonged life.

6)Intruder Alert!:

Remember that Reliance ad? Is desh mein muft ke sawal bahut puchhe jaate hain/ Is desh mein muft ki advise bahut milti hai… (People ask too many questions in this country/ give too much advise). The advertisers got it spot on. You are not the foremost consultant on how to live, so just shove it since no one is interested.

7)Excuse Me!:

Don’t you have a toilet at home? Or washroom facilities at the workplace? The government has really invested in public utilities all over the place, and more will come up in the near future. We really, really, REALLY don’t want to see you do it.

8)UNCLE, zara side dena*:

Disrespecting the elderly is the first sign of a degenerating social fabric. These people are NOT a bi- product of you. YOU are a bi- product of their activities. Show some respect to them, amongst other things, for bearing with you. Really, learn some manners, you will join their ranks soon enough.


This country is NOT a spit bowl! Ejecting the disgusting contents of your mouth onto the street leaves you no better than a pig- but then, it’s not like you are any better in comparison in any case.

10)Sticking posters everywhere:

This is a speciality of any political activity in this country! You want me to paste large, disgusting posters with some idiot’s photograph staring out of it all over your house? How would you like that?

11)Red light Country:

Literally! This country’s drivers have a collective failure of any sentient thought process, while on the road. Expect anything from parking at the geometric center of the road to jumping lights and breakers at cheetah- like speeds.

12)Littering: This is your MOTHERLAND! It’s NOT a dustbin!

13)Accidentally motivated:

An accident is not just the other motorist’s fault- 99% of the times, both are involved. If your bumper got knocked, stop yelling at him or her since you were careless too, and if it’s a motorcyclist, JUST, PLEASE, KEEP AWAY, as they are most probably armed, and most definitely dangerous. Actually, that last bit is probably true for some 90% of our traffic. Stay away, and stay safe.

14)Big bad wolves:

General brutish behaviour, wherein no one really bothers to help someone even if the person is obviously lost or in distress. Abusing people who accidentally bump into you, instead of apologizing, shoving and pushing people in crowded areas are other examples of this.

15)Queued Out:

Breaking a queue is plain rude. Your time is NOT more important than the next person’s.

16)Portable Lighters:

Smoking in public places, or in front of non- smokers. DESPITE THE BAN. This is the kind of brazen behaviour associated with Indians all over the world, due to a few people who think they are above the law, and above the general public’s welfare.

Be courageous, and take a stand. Lead us to a better tomorrow. Brazenly ignoring these will not help in making you a columnist in an etiquette magazine. This world is round, and I believe what goes around will definitely come around. If you’ve been eve- teasing, I’m sure it’ll be your sister next, and if you don’t take a stand against something horrible happening to your neighbour, I hope and pray that the very same thing happens to you next.

* Move aside